I noticed a friend from Canada visited my blog – I appreciate your presence, and hope that my experience has provided some comfort and guidance.
Life has been a bit up and down lately – I actually feel like I regressed, in terms of managing anxiety related to my Generalized Anxiety Disorder diagnosis. One thought creeps into my mind, and that one thought splits into many – which causes a feeling of being overwhelmed. I’m trying to find the root cause, or reason that my anxiety has reemerged, but I’d be naïve to say I don’t already know the reason. Selfish people (I’ll elaborate below)!
The challenge with feeling overwhelmed or anxious, especially when regular exercise doesn’t remedy the issue, is in the past, I would turn to the bottle. Since the bottle isn’t an option anymore – I feel a bit helpless. I know, I know – I should reach out to a therapist, but honestly, the thought of that makes me even more uneasy.
I’m feeling a lot of pressure at work – as I’m currently in an ethical conflict with my department. My job consists of developing affordable housing for the low income and homeless populations – and in the Bay Area, where the wealthy control our politicians, it’s a volatile business. I have heard thousands of well-to-do white and Asian people, literally, discriminate against the homeless population – spewing lies and misinformation to spread fear in their neighborhoods. I’m not afraid of our homeless population, as I know the vast majority aren’t the criminal element – but all homeless get generalized, and lumped into one category. It sickens me that in one of the wealthiest areas in the world, everyone is so fucking selfish – and would rather families sleep in cars, then have a bed to rest their heads.
I see kids jumping out of RV’s, as their parents dump the honey buckets (honey bucket = toilet) –the kids are dressed for school, the parents for work – but due to the cost of living in the Bay (average rent for a one bedroom, $2400/month) – we have many “working homeless.” It breaks my fucking heart. I do my job for them – as when I was a sloppy mess, I was also close to being homeless.
The thought process in the Bay Area is that “poor people should move.” AND, I say to them – “kiss my ass.”
Our elected officials in San Jose don’t have the backbone to stand up to their constituents – they fold to the political pressure, even if it’s unreasonable. My thoughts are overwhelmed by the old prejudice people who say – “they will increase crime, drop property values, kidnap our children, etc.” They are wrong. They have no data to support that stance – and there is an abundance of data to the contrary.
Some rich people make me want to drink again – but fuck them, I won’t. Instead, I will build housing for our extremely low-income families and homeless – because it’s the right thing to do. These folks sit in church on Sunday’s and obviously don’t understand what the Bible teaches – they are asked to have compassion, and help the poor/less fortunate – instead, they make their situations worse. Human nature, in my observation, is one that doesn’t focus on community, only on self.
For example, take driving. You’ve sat in traffic jams, idiots honking their horns and tailgating on your bumper…they expect you to somehow drive through the cars in front of you, so they can get to their destination faster. OR, the drivers who go 70 MPH through residential, unaware that they are putting a community at risk, just so they can sit at a red light down the road.
Now, take ants. Where each individual functions as a larger network for the greater good of the colony. In my opinion, ants have a better understanding of community than humans.
My team of sober fools – I’m approaching 4 years sober – and I won’t let the shitty people of the world drive me back to the bottle. I have to stand strong and be a steadfast leader – an advocate for those less fortunate. Maybe the wealthy in the Bay Area can take a page from Pope Francis, who has opened the Vatican to the homeless. He feeds the homeless, builds clinics for the homeless and truly practices what he preaches.
Stay sober, my friends!