In order to be a good parent, I have to be somewhat responsible. Each time I make a decision, I have to ask myself: “how will that impact Lila?”
I don’t always make the best decisions, but I feel like Lila is at the forefront of my decision making process.
Her mother and stepdad can be a pain in the ass sometimes. They bicker about pointless items like her socks sometimes not matching—or me forgetting to send her home in the right jacket. Blah, blah and blah.
I used to get annoyed and have these ridiculous nagging extravaganzas with them—but I started to realize that is a gross misuse of time and energy. I started to think to myself: “we are complaining like children because we care so much about this child.”
I also realized that Lila’s mother and I won’t always agree—but that doesn’t mean her stepdad and I have to have a bad relationship. Yes, he can be super annoying, and I’m sure he feels the same way about me—but when it comes down to it, he loves Lila very much. I love her more than anything.
That’s a lot of love!
He has always been a nice guy, and I’m going to start recognizing that more and let the little moments of bickering pass without a second thought. Mismatched socks?
Well, was the rest of her outfit stylish? Did she have a nice lunch packed? Was her homework done?
Yes, yes and yes.
As a single parent you have to have confidence in your parenting ability—and not be negatively impacted by little, insignificant things that pop up from the other household. It takes practice, and everything isn’t going to be smooth all of the time—but I feel ok knowing that Lila has a lot of love in her life. She needs to know that those who love her are all working together to ensure her safety, health and general well being.
Lila smiles when we are all at her soccer games or dance recitals. She is proud that she has two male role models in her life—and I’ve grown to understand that she loves her stepdad a lot. That doesn’t make me angry or leave me feeling threatened—it makes me feel good knowing that she has a lot of people looking out for her best interest.
If both households are constantly arguing and trying to outdo each-other, it creates confusion and turmoil for the child. It sets a poor example. I have to remind myself, it isn’t about me and it isn’t about her mother/stepdad—it is about Lila.
If Lila’s stepdad continues to show her the love and respect she deserves, and has been doing since she was two years old, I will continue to appreciate his efforts as a parent. He is a good dude in my book.