One Year, Eleven Months

Ly moved her belongings into the condo this weekend.  She has a lot of stuff, but has been working diligently to empty all of the boxes and organize the contents in our cupboards/storage areas.  To be honest, at times, I got a bit frazzled because clutter makes me cringe—but I bit my tongue, smiled and did what I could to help the process.

What is the point in bickering?  It doesn’t help.  I’ve learned that minimizing pointless complaining reduces stress quite a bit.

It was comical though because at one point Lila said “Ly, wow, you have a lot of stuff!”  Ly and I started laughing—and Ly said, “I know, your dad told me that before.”

It feels really good to have Ly around—she is such a sweet and calm person.  We all really like the new place.

I’m now 1 year, 11 months sober.  I thought I’d get over counting the days by now, but one item that still remains true from my days in AA, is that you really do have to take sobriety one day at a time.  Even after 1 year and 11 months, you have to check yourself while walking near the wine/liquor section at the local grocery store—and you have to resist the urge after hearing a bottle cap pop off at a buddies house.

It’s all psychological—and I truly find happiness knowing that I have the strength and will power to resist random impulses/urges to drink.  What was most difficult to live with was the duel (psychological and physical) impact, resulting from constant alcohol consumption.  What a mess that was.

2016 has been going by fast already–it’s mid March—January and February passed with the blink of an eye.  I swear that each year goes by faster than the previous one.  Or, as adults, each year gets busier than the last.  I want things to slow down, and I want to better maximize the time between the sun rising and setting.

I feel that I’m productive in a professional sense, but the more I think about how fast time moves, the more I think: “is working really the equivalent of a productive life?”  I woke Lila up at 6am today, and dropped her off at before-school care by 7:05am.  I then drove in traffic to work  and started up my computer to check emails sent by people who are also tired and working to collect pay checks, so we can pay bills.  We all are communicating with each-other so we can pay some bills and eat.

Do I enjoy my job?  Yes, I think it’s a good gig—but honestly, I’d rather be out getting some fresh air right now—or on a beach somewhere.  I’ve evolved beyond this concept of wake up, work, go home and sleep.  However, I haven’t evolved enough to figure out how to create a system where I generate enough income to do what I want to do every-day of the week.

To be productive in my own way.

To use my own time how I see fit, not how some boss sees fit.

I know, I know—I can’t lose sight of the fact that I need to appreciate that I’m employed and able to have a roof over my families head, food on the table and some cash in the bank.  I appreciate that Lila is healthy, in a good school and has health insurance.  I haven’t lost sight of the little things that I am thankful for, and blessed to have.

I’m just starting to dream bigger—and that in itself is refreshing.

I hope that you are having a blessed and fruitful March.

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