I feel lucky today.
Well, I met this amazing young woman last year, Ly—and she has been a calm voice of reason. We’re both in our mid-30’s and have been through long term relationships that have been, well, lessons learned. Is she the perfect girl for Lila and I? She IS absolutely amazing, but meeting the right person has a lot to do with timing.
If I met Ly while I was an active drunk—then it would’ve been my typical whirlwind relationship full of intense ups and downs—ending in a flaming wreck of “Leif, you’re a complete douche-bag-asshole-piece of shit!”
Since I met Ly a year into my sobriety—I’ve been trying to practice what I’ve learned through my moments of clarity, brothers/sisters in AA and straight forward advice from friends. I committed to not perpetuating the cycle of insanity—which has been my theme of making the same mistakes over and over again. I have decided to be honest with myself, those I care about—and hell, complete strangers if need be. I’m trying my hardest to do the right thing.
Do I deserve a reward for that? Fuck no.
Is there a reward for that? Yes, it is a free and good feeling when lies, deceit and corruption aren’t festering within the mind, body and soul–when I’m not stashing liquor in the four corners of my household and scurrying around taking gulps when my loved ones use the restroom or leave the room. It feels good to have nothing to hide—and I feel lighter not being completely full of shit.
Ly and I first met in LA when I was down south for work. We went out to eat at this awesome roof-top restaurant, Perch, in downtown LA. I ordered water with my meal and Ly asked the inevitable: “is there a reason you don’t drink?”
“Ly, I’m a drunk that hasn’t had a drink in a while. I can’t drink because I become someone I’m not—and my past relationships have suffered from my poor decisions.”
“Thank you for being honest. Does it bother you that I ordered a drink?”
Ly appreciated the honesty. Frankly, I think it turned her on a little bit—and ever since that night we’ve talked every-day and travel back and forth to see each-other. She’s an amazing young woman, and I have no idea what she sees in me—but I want to make sure she keeps seeing it. To the best of my ability, I want to be for her what I haven’t been able to be for the other women (besides Lila) in my life.
Consistent, honest, loyal and sober.
I feel lucky today because Ly and I are talking about moving in together. She has met Lila several times, and will be staying with us again this week for a few nights. Those two get along really well. It warms my heart.
I feel lucky because second chances aren’t always possible—but I have received several second chances since becoming sober.
Life is about timing, sure—but it’s more about making the right choices. Time seems to really work in ones favor when you’re doing the right thing.
Have an excellent week my friends.