Happy Thanksgiving—I’m grateful that you stumbled across my blog, and wish you the best during this holiday season. If you you’re a dry drunk like me, hang in there because getting through the holiday season sober gets easier. Now that you have a clearer thought process—spend time thinking about what you’re truly grateful for in this crazy whirlwind of a journey we call life.
I didn’t spend much time, as an active alcoholic, appreciating the great aspects of my life. I was too busy drinking, focused on the negative. I’ll tell you what—I appreciate the fuck out everything now, even the things that vanished due to my alcoholism.
I appreciate those who walked out on me because it opened my eyes, made me confront the selfish bastard I became. Am I completely unselfish now? Hell no—I don’t think anyone is 100 percent selfless. But, I can say for certain I’m less selfish—and more able to recognize and regulate when a selfish thought process seeps into my system.
It doesn’t mean much to those who were unappreciated—as they never spent time with me with the intention of fixing a broken person, but without their strength, I’d still be falling apart.
I appreciate my health. I still haven’t gained back any of the 30lbs I lost since giving up beer, wine and Wild Turkey. No prehypertension and minimal anxiety. A clearer complexion and I’ve been told I look younger. You know what? I fucking feel younger too. I outrun the youngsters during soccer games, and the occasional rugby practice.
I appreciate my refrigerator. I went to Trader Joe’s this morning to pick up groceries, and when I stocked my fridge—I stood there and admired the rainbow of fruits, vegetables and other items I purchased. I realize that not everyone has a full fridge—and I’m damn grateful that my daughter and I don’t go hungry. I sometimes feel beyond grateful to never feel hunger pains, downright privileged—and I try to teach Lila that some families, as we eat, are hungry. I take her out to breakfast, knowing that she will only eat 25 percent of her dish, and make sure to box the leftovers up so we can find a less fortunate person on the street to share our food with. It is our obligation as people to help others because it’s the right thing to do—treat others as you would want to be treated.
I appreciate the little things. The hands I hold, the feet/legs that allow me to walk, the eye glasses that help me see and the small space heater in our room that keeps us warm. My mother asked me “what do you want for Christmas?” I replied, “ma, I have everything I need. I have an apartment, food, and most importantly, Lila is healthy.”
I think differently without alcohol poisoning my body and corrupting my thought process. I feel healthy, I think healthy and I’m no longer searching for what I don’t have, but appreciating what I do have.
You have yourself a merry Thanksgiving and Christmas (or whatever you celebrate). If you haven’t yet, I hope you find peace.