She just felt right. I can’t describe it any other way—she felt right in my arms, in my thoughts, in my prayers, holding my hand, in my future plans, with my daughter and in so many other ways. She made sense to me like no other woman has—most women, specific to romantic endeavors, make me feel confused. She never did—it was amazing. I miss feeling that way. I miss her—and I know that all of my wishes for reconciliation are wasted breaths—but I will wish until my last breath—because love like this is worth every bit of air I have within my being. I know, for a fact, love like hers was a once in a life-time occurrence. She felt so right—and she made sense to me.
I never thought she would go away—never anticipated that her love would fade. Like many men in my position—I regret negative actions and behavior that I had the ability to change…to remedy. I just didn’t. I had 1,000 chances, and fucked up 1,001 times. I can’t blame anyone but myself—and that is why, a long time ago, I accepted her decision to leave.
I know she would be proud of me—that is the kind of woman she is. Despite the pain I caused—she would applaud my sobriety because of her love for Lila…she owes me nothing, not even one more second of her time, but she would smile knowing Lila and I are ok.
To hear her laugh, to feel her embrace, to kiss her lips and to hear her whisper “I love you” in my ear once again would melt my heart and soul into a pond of love in which I could swim for eternity.
She felt right—she made sense to me like no one else can. I lost her during the time I lost myself within the bottle—but I found a love that will last forever. Physically she isn’t with me anymore—but spiritually and emotionally, she’ll always be close.