It was in the early morning, around 3:45am, I felt free from the grips of everything that has ever attempted to hold me down. The grasp of ghostly thoughts that create illusions of “what could’ve been”—the notion of inferiority that follows loss—the kind of loss that comes with ridicule and broken hearts. I felt free from the fear of being lonesome, the emotional festering of lost love, the illusion of job insecurity and other “what ifs.” The pointless problems and worries that derive from the hellish depths of industrialization–the submission of time-cards and piles of direct deposit receipts that, in some ways, we let define the worth of our existence–and within that moment, I believed that life is much more meaningful.
For a moment I broke away from the perception that “I need you,” and “without you I am somehow incomplete.” I stared at a creation—a masterpiece formed not by brushes, pens, paint and ink—but one formed by water, oxygen, connective tissue, fat, muscle and bone. Most importantly, a work of art consisting of a heart, soul and unsurpassed individuality. A piece of me that I will relentlessly protect from the societal noise pollution that corrupts the happiness of so many…love, the conditional type, is temporary—I am referring to the unconditional kind.
At 3:45am, during this moment of clarity and self-rule, I sat next to you with my hand placed on your heart. I felt overwhelmed with raw emotion and kept my hand over your heart for about 10,000 beats. I felt connected to you—I hoped and prayed that this feeling would transfer to your being, so that forever you could feel this way.
I kissed you on your forehead, laid back down and fell into a dream. The setting was a beautiful shade of pink and orange—the kind of colors that accompany the most epic sunsets. The colors that happen to be our favorites–yours pink and mine orange. My hair was longer and it blew in the breeze—winds that I let whisk us anywhere it pleased…I had nothing but faith that it would take us to the most joyous of places. We smiled, we laughed—and any darkness that existed was crumpled up and tossed away. Any darkness that lingers turns to light when you are with me.