Day 228

Lila and I woke up at six in the morning to make breakfast and hang out a bit before her mother picked her up for the weekend.  She is going to Lake Tahoe–and I hope she has a wonderful time.

Yesterday, Lila and I went to a friends house for Thanksgiving.  The same family that took us to Shasta a few months back.  It was a great day–filled with friends and gratitude.  I was worried that Lila and I wouldn’t have anywhere to go for the holiday–but we were invited to our friends for dinner, which made the holiday feel more like a holiday.  Either way–her and I would’ve had a good time together.

In as long as I can remember, this is the first “day after” Thanksgiving I don’t have a terrible hang-over…both from the food and copious amounts of alcohol I would typically consume.  I was able to go to the track after Lila was picked up, and run 16 laps–then hop on my bike and ride 15 miles.  I feel fresh, awake and alive.

Initially, I was really worried about getting through the first wave of the holiday season without alcohol.  The football, friends and general temptation.  It wasn’t as hard as I thought, at least, yet.  I did think about the last three years and spending the holiday with Katie’s family–and when thoughts enter my mind regarding Katie–I get a slight urge to drink.  The urge to drink derives from the piece of me that just wants to forget about that whole relationship…not just with her, but with her family too.  I know that drinking, in the moment, would drown out the thoughts–and temporarily make me feel better.  However, I also know that those thoughts will be pushed into that corridor of the mind–the place where the unwanted thoughts that alcohol helps you hide from sit, wait and emerge subconsciously in the form of panic and anxiety.  The corridor of the mind where your emotions and feelings get locked up when you are an active alcoholic.  I can’t go back to that state of mind.

I know that my first Christmas without drinking will be a challenge–but i’ll think of that when the time comes.  I want to focus on today–and do exactly what I did yesterday in my effort not to drink.

Happy holidays to you and yours.

Best Wishes for Health and Happiness,

Leif

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