I know I can’t drink–but I decided, on Sunday, I can smile. Lila was upset because she was having a hard time doing the monkey bars–she was frustrated. I said “hey, it’s easier if you smile.” And, I smiled this big cheesy smile at her…she laughed. So did I. I told her “just smile and try your hardest–it’s ok if you can’t do it every-time–trying is what counts.” For the rest of the day she asked “daddy can you do that smile?”
On day 118, on the brink of four months sober–I have decided that I will keep smiling, and keep trying my hardest…no matter what. I, just as everyone else get frustrated at times–it’s part of life, right? In the past, I used alcohol to numb the every-day challenges of life–but in the end, it just made everything more challenging…more complicated.
I remember when I was in complete denial of my problem with alcohol–and thought that booze was my ally. Hey, you’re having anxiety–a beer will help. Oh, my girlfriend is mad at me, and is yelling–drink and ignore. Instead of helping, alcohol was making my problems worse. The beer and wine were the root cause of my anxiety and relationship problems. I just wish I had the same thought process this time last year–instead of drinking to help with problems, just smile. Smiling is much more productive. It’s amazing how much a five year old can teach you about life–and I feel blessed to be a parent. A parent with a clear thought process–which has greatly expanded my capacity to love and show true affection.
Last night, Lila woke up at 1am. I asked: “do you have to pee.” She said: “No, I want you to lay with me.” She crawled into my bed with her blanket and slept soundly for the remainder of the evening. I woke up at 6am to get ready, looked at my beautiful baby and smiled that big smile. I know Katie would be proud of us.